It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class!

The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

“You’re not going to have time to finish this,” the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

“Yes I will,” replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

“No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.” The student looked incredulous and angry.

“Do you know WHO I am?”

“No, as a matter of fact I don’t,” replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” the student asked again.

“No, and I don’t care.” replied the professor with an air of superiority.

“Good,” replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room

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The teacher gave the class an assignment. Everyone must think of which part of their body is closest to God. They are to go home and think about it and come in the next day with their thoughts.

The next day the teacher asked the class what they thought – Little Johnny is jumping out of his chair Oooo! Oooo! Oooo! – I know!!! I know!!!

The teacher wanted to hear from someone else so little Sally raised her hand and said:

S – your head
T – Why is that Sally?
S – Because it is the highest part of your body
T – Good answer Sally – anyone else???

Little Johnny – I know I know !!!!!!

Not yet Johnny give someone else a try!

Little Becky replied:

B – your heart
T – Why Becky
B – Because you love with your heart and we love God.
T – Good answer Becky

Little Johnny is still jumping from his chair raising his hand!!!

Ok Johnny what part of the body do you think is closer to God??

J – your feet
T – Why your feet?
J – because last night my mom had her feet in the air and she was yelling “Oh God – Oh God I’m coming!!”

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A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. “If I gave you $1,500 minus 3%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

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College Entrance Exam – Football Player Version – Time Limit: 3 Weeks

1.What language is spoken in France?

2.Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3.Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY

4.What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic
(check only one)

5.Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6.What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7.How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8.What are people in America’s far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9.Spell-Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush:
Carter:
Clinton:

10.Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11.Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy’s
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12.Can you explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13.What are coat hangers used for?

14.The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15.Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16.Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17.Which part of America produces the most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18.Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19.What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.) stand for?

20.The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
(a) B.C.
(b) A.D.

Name:

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify*

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