It was the first day of school… The kindergartners were now first graders. The teacher made an announcement to the class. “Now that you are in the first grade, we will need to work on using grown-up words and not using baby words anymore. ”
“Let’s tell everyone what we did over the summer..”
Well, the first little girl got up and said that she went to see her “nana” over the vacation.
The teacher said “that’s good! But, we need to start saying grandma like a grown-up, not nana that’s a baby word.”
The next little boy got up and said with a big smile that he went for a long ride on a “choo-choo”.
The teacher said “I bet that was exciting! But, we need to start saying train like a grown-up, not choo-choo, that’s a baby word.”
Well, the last little boy got up to tell what he had done. He said that he read a book. The teacher said “that’s wonderful! Which book did you read?”
The little boy stood up nice and tall, puffed out his chest and in his most adult voice he could muster, he said “Winnie the Shit”

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A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of three, nine or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
“Well”, he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s THE night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12-pack.”
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.”
He leans over to her and says, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist!”

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An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair. After a few moments, the young man said, “what’s the matter, old man, haven’t you ever done anything wild?” The old man smiled and said, “Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son.”

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It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class!

The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. 1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

“You’re not going to have time to finish this,” the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet.

“Yes I will,” replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. 1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

“No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.” The student looked incredulous and angry.

“Do you know WHO I am?”

“No, as a matter of fact I don’t,” replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” the student asked again.

“No, and I don’t care.” replied the professor with an air of superiority.

“Good,” replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room

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