A red-head, a brunette and a blonde perform a Post Office robbery. They are on the run from the police and they have to ditch their car and go cross country.

They are all getting tired and happen across an old farm with a huge barn. Sneaking inside the barn, they see three old flour sacks. They all hide in separate sacks.

The police enter the barn and upon seeing the sacks, kick the first one containing the redhead. The redhead says “Woof!”.

“Nothing in here but a dog sarge” says the constable. “We’d better move on”.

They kick the sack containing the brunette. “Miaow!” she says.

“Nothing in here but a cat sarge. Better move on”.

They kick the sack containing the blonde and the blonde says “Potatoes!”

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A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side the road, beside his car.

He was amazed to see that the chicken was keeping up with him. Glancing down at his speedometer, he noticed that he was doing 50 MPH.

He accelerated to 60 miles per hour and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken kept up.

The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs. Growing even more curious, he followed the chicken down a road and into a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens around him had three legs.

He asked the farmer, “What’s up with these three legged chickens?”

The farmer said, “Well, whenever we have chicken for dinner, everyone in the family fights over the legs, but there are only two. I have bred a three legged bird. It’s going to make me a millionaire.”

“How do they taste,” the man asked.

The farmer said, “Don’t know yet, I haven’t been able to catch one.”

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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”

“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”

He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”

“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me!”

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A woman’s dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. By the way, dont worry about my Rottweiler. He wont bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!”

When the repairman arrived at her apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. Like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with its incessant squawking and talking.

Finally the repairman couldn’t stand the parrot’s talking any longer and he told the bird to be quiet.

The parrot replied, “Get him, Brutus!”

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