A man is watching two city workers busy in a local park. One digs a hole, moves a couple of yards and digs another hole, and so on. The other worker follows the first, immediately filling in all the holes the first worker has dug.

The man watching is furious, and approaches them saying, “I’m going to write to the city about this digging holes and filling them in right away, it’s a disgrace.”

“Hang on,” says one of the workers, “It’s not our fault that Charlie’s off sick.”

“Who’s Charlie?” asks the man.

“He’s the guy who plants the trees.”

“””””

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Sitting at home with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth while watching TV.

The man loses concentration for a split second and a peanut goes into his ear.

He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in deep.

After a few hours of fruitless rooting, the couple decide to go to the hospital, but on their way out of the front door, they meet their daughter coming in with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend takes control of the situation.

He tells them he’s studying medicine and not to worry about a thing.

He then sticks two fingers up the man’s nose and asks him to blow. The nut shoots from the ear and out across the room.

As the daughter and her boyfriend go through to the kitchen to get drinks the man and his wife sit down to discuss their luck…..

“So…..” the wife says, “What do you think he’ll become after he finishes school … a General Practitioner or a Surgeon?”

“Well…..” says the man, rubbing his nose,
“By the smell of his fingers I think he’s likely to become a gynaecologist.”

“””””

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A blonde desperately wanted to win the lottery. So she prayed to God one day and asked him to help her win the lottery.

The next morning the blonde woke up and she didn’t win. So she prayed to God again asking to win the lottery. She reasoned that she’ll use the money to do a lot of good and cure all diseases in the world.

The next morning she woke up and she didn’t win. So she prayed to God again and asked to win the lottery. She reasoned that she’ll use the money to do a lot of good and feed all the hungry children in the world.

The next morning she woke up and still she didn’t win. Finally, out of frustration she shouted at the sky, “why won’t you let me win the lottery and do good for the world!”

Suddenly the clouds spread apart and God said onto the blonde, “I’m trying to help you here but you need to buy a lottery ticket first”

“””””

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A man buys a paint factory in a small town. He visits the local volunteer fire department to see for himself if they’d be able to handle a fire at his plant. What he finds convinces him they could not…the whole fire department consists of one old pumper truck and a bunch of volunteers he finds less than reliable. He tells them “Boys, I’m sorry to tell you this but I’m not confident you could handle a fire at my plant. I’m going to contract with the nearby big-city fire department”.

A few months later the unthinkable happens and the plant catches fire. The owner calls the big-city fire department, and when they show up the fire chief decides that it’s just too dangerous to approach the plant. He decides to set up a roadblock to prevent anyone from going near it, and they begin to wait it out. Just then the local boys come barreling down the road, fire bell clanging and siren blaring . The driver is waving his arms to get the big-city firemen to move out of the way, and crashes right through the barricades. They smash through an overhead door into the plant, set up a few hoses and start fighting the fire. The guys without hoses grab shovels and start flinging dirt onto the fire.

The big-city fire chief sees this and shouts “C’mon boys, let’s get in there and help ’em out!” After a few hours their efforts pay off, and they manage to save a large portion of the plant. The owner is happy as he can be, and tells the local fire chief “That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! Thank you! I’m going to write you a check and donate $10,000 to your fire department! Do you have any idea how you’re going to spend it?” The local chief thinks for a moment and says:

“Well, I don’t know what we’re going to do with the rest, but first thing tomorrow morning that fire engine is getting new brakes!”

“””””

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