Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord…
“God, what does a million years mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A minute.”
“Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A penny.”
Einstein asks, “Can I have a penny?”
The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
……………..
Check out Jalore.com for Cialis, Viagra, Propecia, Lipitor and more! Visit the Online Pharmacy.
A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.
He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc.
So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that there is a new total control system developed by the FBI that spies upon all citizens, and there are lots of listening devices everywhere, so that anyone criticizing the government would be severely punished.
This didnt have any effect on those guys, moreover they just laughed at Bob, and carried on and on, saying even more rude jokes about George Bush and the government.
Finally, close to 3:00 am, Bob goes to the restroom, and runs into the train conductor.
Bob asks the conductor to bring him some water and sleeping pills at exactly 3:00 a.m.
He goes back to his place and says loudly into the base of his seat, so that talkative guys could hear him:
“If the FBI director can hear me: could you please bring me a glass of water and some sleeping pills at 3:00 a.m., because there are some idiots here who are speaking too loudly about some political issues and wont let me sleep.”
The guys continue talking.
Exactly at 3:00 am, the door opens and the conductor comes out, and gives Bob the water and some sleeping pills.
The guys are shocked and finally stop talking. Bob is happy and manages to fall asleep…
When he wakes in the morning, the talkative guys are no where to be found.
Out of curiosity he asks the conductor about them, (also remembering that there shouldnt have been any stops at night).
The conductor replies that some people in black suits stopped the train and arrested those guys.
Bob is completely shocked and surprised and asks about why he was not arrested.
The conductor answers that he doesnt have a clue but one of the guys in black suits said that the director of the FBI liked Bobs joke about the water and pills…
……………..
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
“It’s certainly not a ship”, he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and says, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” replies the stunned man.
With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!!”
“And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” she asks him.
Trembling the castaway replies, “Ten years.”
She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, “WOW, that’s absolutely fantastic!”
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”
With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, “Oh good Lord! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too?”
……………..
.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback, and after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”
……………..
Get rid of cellulite ! Buy Cellulite Reduction today!