Two men in their twenties are sitting at the bar talking.

One of the guys remarks to the other, “Boy you look really tired!”

His friend replies, “Dude, I’m exhausted, my girl I’ve been dating wants sex all the time! three, four sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do!”

A fellow, in his seventies, is sitting a few bar stools down from them overhears their conversation. He looked over at the two men, and showing the wisdom of his age says,

“Marry her.

That’ll put an end to that nonsense!”

“””””

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A man once visits a popular restaurant which is busy all the time. He was ordering the food and he noticed that his waiter carried a spoon in his pocket.

It seemed a little strange. Then he looked around and saw that all the staff had a spoon in their pockets.
He asked his waiter, “Why the spoon?”

“Well,” he explained, “the restaurant’s management found out that spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It has a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 2 man-hours per shift.”
As luck would have it, he dropped his spoon and the waiter was able to replace it with his spare. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” said the waiter.

The man was impressed. He also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, he noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before the waiter walked off, he asked the waiter, “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?” “Oh, certainly!” Then the waiter lowered his voice. “The management also found out that we can save time in the restroom by tying this string to our dick, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 45 percent.” The man asked “After you get it out, how do you put it back?”

“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

“””””

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A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs.

A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?”

“””””

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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place.

The first guy says:

“You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

The second guy says:

“That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.”

The third guy says:

“Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.”

They continue to fish when realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.

So, they asked him:

“What you had to do to be able to come fishing? What’s the deal?”

The fourth guy says:

“Nothing. I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge, and said, ‘Fishing or Sex’ and she said,

‘Don’t forget to wear a sweater.’

“””””

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