As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn’t resist a quick glance at her knickers:
“Hey cheeky!” She said as she gave me a playful kick. “I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls’ skirts isn’t it?”
“That’s an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam.” I said sternly. “I don’t even work here.”
“””””
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A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive…
After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.
It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.
“It doesn’t matter,” answers the doctor.
“Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?”
“I accept, thanks!” She answers.
He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking.
Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door.
The doctor looks worried, gets up, and says:
“My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise, she might think there is some nonsense going on!”
“””””
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“Dugly, what the hell is this!?” his wife demanded, pulling a large hoop earring from her purse. “I found it in your f*!king car!”
“Um, that’s, uh… that’s m..my earring, honey,” Dugly stammered, sweat beading on his brow. “I..I heard the pirate look was all the rage now.”
“I didn’t know your ears were pierced,” said Debbie, narrowing her eyes.
“Oh, sure! I, uh, I had them pierced the other day!” Dugly exclaimed, taking the hoop from Debbie’s hand. He then punched the earring’s dull pin through his virgin lobe, wincing underneath his forced smile. Blood began trickling down his neck as he said, “S..see?”
“Uh-huh.” said Debbie skeptically. “And what about this? I found it in your car, too.” she stated, producing a 12″ chartreuse rubber dildo from her purse.
Dugly, sweating profusely, slowly began to unfasten his belt…
“””””
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A cop stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of weed.
“What have we here?”
“It’s not mine officer.”
The cop scoffs.
“I’m serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket.”
“Bullshit.”
“Try me!”
The cop frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the crapper. The cop checks my pocket and asks, “So where’s the bag of weed?”
“What bag of weed?”
“””””
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