A man awakes to find himself in a room with a ladder to the floor above and a $10 bill. A voice speaks “accept what is offered or climb the ladder to success.”

“$10 isn’t much” he thinks so he climbs the ladder. On the next floor he finds $1,000 in cash and a moderately attractive woman willing to become his wife. Again he hears “accept what is offered or climb the ladder to success.”

Again not satisfied, the man climbs the ladder. This time he find $50,000, a very attractive woman, the deed to a small house, and a job offer for more than twice what he’s currently making. Once again, a voice says “accept what is offered or climb the ladder to success.”

This time the man hesitates, but based on the pattern he’s seeing, he can’t help but once again go to the ladder and begins to climb. This time, he finds one million dollars in cash, bank statements showing he has a net worth north of 50 million dollars, the deed to a mansion, the keys to his dream car, and the two most beautiful women he’s ever seen. He’s about to run to them when he hears yet again, “accept what is offered, or climb the ladder to success”.

The man is torn. Everything he has ever wanted is in this room, or at least the means to acquire it. But despite that, the promise of success, something even greater than what is before him, draws him towards the ladder. He grabs the rungs and begins to pull himself upward.

This ladder is longer than the others. And as he nears the top he begins to smell a foul odor. It’s almost impossible to bear as he pulls himself onto the landing. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he sees he’s in a mostly empty room. There is no new ladder this time. But he makes out some shape in the corner. As the shape lights a cigarette, the man realizes it’s a man who must weight at least 400 pounds and smells like he hasn’t bathed in weeks. Too exhausted from the climb to move, the man stares in horror as the mountain in the corner stands up and walks toward him, uttering just 3 words. “Hi, I’m Cess.”

“””””

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A single mother wakes up from a coma after giving birth to twins…

She asks the doctor “Where are my babies? I want to see my babies!”

The doctor says “Not to worry, your babies are safe and at home with your brother. You had two healthy babies, one boy, and one girl, but unfortunately I do have some bad news.”

Immediately thinking the worst, the mother asks “Oh my God, what’s wrong?”

“Well, you were recovering for a long time,” the doctor says solemnly, “we had to give the children a name. Your brother chose them…”

Shocked, the mother asks “What did he name the girl?”

The doctor lets out a sigh and says “Denise.”

“Oh!” The mother says, “That’s a lovely name, what about the boy?”

The doctor places a hand on the mother’s shoulder, shaking his head he says…

“Denephew.”

“””””

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A monkey is smoking a joint in a tree when a small lizard comes and asks to join it. They get really high and at one point the small lizard says it’s thirsty. The monkey tells him that there is a lake nearby and the lizard goes there.

At the lake there is an alligator, he sees the red eyes of the small lizard and says “heeeeyyy small lizard! I know what you’re doing… Where can I get some??”. The lizard tells him about the monkey and points it to the tree, and there goes the alligator.

Arriving at the tree the alligator shouts ‘heeeeyyy monkeeeey!”. The very stoned monkey sees the alligator and says:

“HOLY CRAP SMALL LIZARD!! HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?!?!”

“””””

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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda’s expense..!!

Irish Garda says,” License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says, “What for?”

Irish Garda replies, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the Stop sign.”

London Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Irish Garda says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License And registration, please.”
London Lawyer says, “What’s the difference..?”

Irish Garda says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law.. License and registration, please..!”

London Lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between “slow down” and “stop”, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket..”

Irish Garda says, “Sounds fair.. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the Hell out of the lawyer with it and says,

“Now then.. Do you want me to stop, or just slow down..?”..

“””””

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