If only life could be like a computer

If you messed up your life, you could press Ctrl, Alt, Delete and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on run! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

Hit any key to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you loose your car keys, click on find.

Help with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldnt be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

And, we could click on SEND NOW and a Pizza would be on its way to you.

……………..

Also check out JuicyCoupons.com for discounts whenever you shop!

 Inventing golf ….

Along time ago two Scottsmen are in a pub.

One scottsman says, Im going to invent a game.

The second man asks, What do you have to do?

The first man says, You have to get a ball in a hole.

The second man asks, So its like billiards?

The first man says, No, its going to be much farther away.

The second man asks So, its somthing like bowling?

The first man says, No, its going to be played on grass, and its going to twist and turn.

So the second man asks, So its kind of like croquet?

The first man says, NO, Im going to put in tall grass, and water, and sand, and trees, just to piss you off!

So the second man asks, So you do this once?

The first man replies, NO, you do it EIGHTEEN TIMES!!

…………………

Also check out FreshPersonals.com for great dating sites!

The other night I was invited out for a night with the boys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, I realized shed probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve oclock. She didnt seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said, Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said oh shit, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.

…………………

Also check out FreshPersonals.com for great dating sites!

Female Comebacks!

Man: Havent I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, thats why I dont go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and Ill go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: Im a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, whats your sign? Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, Id die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, Id probably die laughing.

……………..

Also check out Cellulite Reduction to get rid of cellulite!