An Irishman is walking on a beach when he stubs his toe on an old metal box. He opens the lid And a Genie pops out and praises him for letting him out after 500 years.

He offers him a wish… and the Irishman says… every evening after dinner when I pee, I want to pee the finest Irish Whiskey.

Done says the genie and vanishes in a flash.

That evening after dinner he puts two glasses on the table and proceeds to fill them with the whiskey.

He and his wife absolutely swear it’s the best whiskey they’ve ever drunk.

This continues for the entire week.

On that Friday the wife prepares dinner and after clearing the dishes, sees only one glass on the table.

She says Hon’ Where’s my glass?

Tonight – You drink from the bottle!

“””””

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A flat-chested young woman reads an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Dugly could enlarge your breasts without surgery.

So she decided to go to Dr. Dugly to see if he could help her.

Dr. Dugly advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your breasts and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I want bigger boobies!”

She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew to a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning when she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her large tits if she didn’t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle on the bus, closed her eyes and said, “Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.”
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, “Are you a patient of Dr. Dugly?”

“Yes I am..how did you know?”

He winked and whispered, “Hickory dickory dock…”

“””””

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A German walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender tells him : “20 euros!”
The German is shocked – “20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !”
“Well, today it is 20 euros.”
– “But why 20, damn it?”
Bar tender : “I’ll explain it,
-3 euros is beer,
-3 to help Ukraine,
-4 assistance to European countries who have imposed sanctions and are not members of the EU.
-4 euros in aid to the UK, for successful implementation of sanctions against Russia.
-Then 3 euros are sent to the Balkan countries as aid to buy furnace coal.
– and finally, 3 euros for a gas subsidy for the EU and fund to help maintain sanctions!”
The German silently took out the money and gave the bartender 20 euros.
The bartender took them, entered in the cash register and gave him 3 euros back.
German in disbelief : “Wait, you said 20 euros, right ? I gave you 20, why are you giving me back 3 euros?”
“Ahh… We have no beer!”

“””””

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Once a wealthy old religious woman caught a burglar ransacking her things. She had lived her whole life as a celibate, almost like a nun.

”Listen lady, keep quiet if you don’t want to be hurt. Just tell me where your jewels are.” She said, ”I don’t keep them here. They are in the bank in the safe-deposit vault.” ”Where is all your silver then?” ”I am sorry, but it is all out, being cleaned and polished.” ”Give me your money then.”

”I tell you,” she said, ”I don’t keep any cash on hand.” ”Listen lady, I am warning you ­ give me your money or I will rip it off you.” And he started feeling her up and down. ”I keep telling you,” she said, ”I don’t have any money. But if you do that again I will write you a cheque.”

“””””

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