A woman is walking her dog along the pier. When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper.

Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened.

The woman, who is incredibly thankful to the man says “Thank you so so much, you’ve saved my dogs life, are you a vet??” to which the German man replies “VET??? I’M FUCKING SOAKING”

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A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

“””””

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A Pagan died and went to Heaven. St. Peter met him at the gate. “You can’t come in here,” St. Peter said.

The Pagan asked why…

“You’re Pagan … I’m sorry”, St. Peter replied. “But Hell isn’t so bad. Your friends are there, and they say it’s good.”

The Pagan was depressed, but went anyway just because he was, well – Pagan…When he arrives in Hell, he sees a beautiful green field with amusement rides, and people picnicking and having a great time…A man in a white suit comes over to him and presents himself as Satan, and then tells him of all the delights to be had in what appears to be a 5-star resort…

“Woww!” thinks the Pagan, “Hell isn’t so bad! I’m happy to be here.”

Suddenly, the sky gets black …and fire spews from the ground. A screaming, flaming man falls from the sky and is swallowed up by a crack in the earth…After he disappears, everything returns to how it was again…

“What in Hell was that?” the Pagan asks Satan…

Satan replies, “That was a Christian. They wouldn’t have Hell any other way!”

“””””

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Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.

Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

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