A Blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He then takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then….. he said with a deep sigh” …………

“Let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box”

“””””

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Two friars decide to open a flower shop. The flower shop down the road was furious.

They were being under priced at every turn and they were going to go out of business if things kept up.

So they hired a group a thugs to go and rough up the shop owners and shut them down.

The thugs came back later that day visibly shaken saying the friars would not be closing down.

The other flower shop would not listen. They went out and found the town’s badass, Hugh, and paid him to go do what the thugs failed at.

Later that night the friars shop had an “out of buisness” sign on the front door, proving once and for all, Hugh, and only Hugh can stop florist friars.

“””””

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The woman got up on stage of the theatre, looking at it onto the crowd awaiting her performance.

She opened her mouth and started to sing.

Looks of suprise went out amongst the audience. “I’m sure they’ve never heard anyone like me!”. But her confidence turned to shock when people got up out of their seats to leave. One by one, all left, but for one man. She kept singing until she finished her part.

The man beamed up at her, “Wow, that was quite a performance, have you ever thought of going professional?”
Surprised, she responds need, “umm…no?”

As he stood up to leave, he said, “a good decision…”

“””””

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After days of driving, a trucker walks into a empty small-town diner and sees three signs above the counter.

The first reads “Hamburger: $5,” the second reads “Cheeseburger: $6,” and the third reads “Handjob: $10.” As the man approached, a beautiful young woman dressed in an apron came out from the kitchen and asked coyly, “What can I do for you, hon?”

“Are you the one who gives the handjobs?” asked the trucker.

“Why yes,” answered the woman with a knowing smile. “Yes I am.”

“Well then go wash your fucking hands, because I want a cheeseburger.”

“””””

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