A rural farm wife called the local phone company

A rural farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber’s house. The phone didn’t ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

The dog was tied to the telephone system’s ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

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Young man and his girlfriend speeding

A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend she was thrilled at the speed.

“If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?”

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said “yes, of course”

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then flipped over. the Naked girl was thrown clear, but the boyfriend got stuck in a hole.

“Go and get help” he yelled.

“I can’t I’m naked!”

“take my shoe, he said, and cover yourself.”

Holding the shoe to her pubes she ran off, down the road. she came to a gas station, and ran inside to the proprietor.

“Please help, my boyfriend got stuck in a hole!”

The proprietor look at her. looked at the shoe, and then said: “there’s nothing I can do, he’s too far in. ”

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Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well

Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately.

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the manager?!?

Doctor: Sure, we’ll do things your way. No need to raise your temper. Why don’t we try an astrology based approach?

Karen: At last a sensible approach.

Doctor: So, what’s your star sign?

Karen: it’s cancer.

Doctor: Well what a fucking coincidence.

“””””

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Divorce from my wife

Why did I get divorce from my wife, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday.

My wife didn’t get me a present and didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.

“””””

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