A young boy says to his father “Dad, the math teacher is asking to see you.”
“What happened?” The father asks.

“Well, she asks me, ‘how much is 7 * 9?’ I answer ’63’ , then she asks, ‘and 9 * 7?’ so I asked ‘what’s the fucking difference?’ ”

“Indeed, what is the difference?” asks the father. ”Sure, I’ll go.”

The next day, the boy comes home from school “Dad, have you gone by the school?” He asks.
“Not yet.”

“Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.”
“Why?” asks the father.

The boy explains, “Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I asked ‘What, am I suppose to stand on my cock!?'”

“Exactly,” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”

The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go to the school?”

“No, not yet.”

“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”

Surprised, the father asks “Why did you get expelled?”

“Well, they summoned me to the principal’s office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”

“The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?” asks the father.

“That’s what I said” replied the boy.

“””””

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A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left, the younger man said “You didn’t even examine that woman, how did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to examine her. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? Well, when I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the waste bin. I knew that was what probably was making her sick.”

The younger doctor said “Pretty clever. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She just didn’t have the energy she once had and said “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much for the Church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she’s very active in the church but how did you arrive at it?”

“I did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the vicar under the bed.”

“””””

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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.

“Let’s have sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it,” shouted the murderer.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again,” said the necrophile.

“Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it,” said the pyromaniac.

There was silence, and then the masochist said:

“Meow.”

“””””

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A gunman stops a driver driving through a scary countryside road and says “Step out of the car and take your dick out…”

Driver: freezes at this unexpected turn of events

Gunman: In a louder voice “Do it”

Driver: “Please don’t shoot. I’ll do whatever you ask”

Driver proceeds to step out of the car and take his pants off.

Gunman: “Now start masturbating or I’ll put a bullet in your head”

Driver obliges seeing he has no choice.

Gunman: “Don’t stop until you cum”

Soon, the driver cums.

Gunman: “Start masturbating again…”

Driver obliges once again to save his life.

The Gunman repeats this 5 times and asks the same for the 6th time.

Driver: “Sir, shoot me if you must but there’s no way I can get hard again”

Gunman turns his head and says, “Gloria you can come out now”

A beautiful 18 year old comes out of the house on the side of the road.

Gunman: “This is my daughter. Please give her a ride to the next town. Thank you.”

“””””

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