My parents found my BDSM bondage gear that i’ve been hiding in my room.
I bought bondage gear from my local BDSM sex shop and hid it under my bed.
My parents were furious when they found out and I was yelled at and spanked.
So i started leaving it out in the open.
“””””
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gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.
However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can’t afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla.
About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples’ attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions’ den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion’s den. The man starts screaming “HELP!! HELP!!!” Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, “Shut the fuck up right now or you’re going to get us both fired.”
“””””
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A man walks gingerly into the office where he is met by a nurse with whom he speaks to
“Err, nurse? Excuse me, this isn’t easy for me to say, but you have to promise you won’t laugh”
“Well, sir, on my honour as a nurse and a lady, in my 20 years in this profession, I haven’t once laughed at a patient. I’ve seen all manners of shapes and sizes, you can trust that I shall remain professional and courteous”
The man, satisfied with her response, dropped his trousers to around his knees, exposing the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen (no larger than a AAA battery), and with that, she couldn’t contain her laughter. Instantly and without warning she was rolling around on the floor, tears streaming down her face as she laughed. After about 5 minutes (possibly the longest 5 minutes of the man’s life) she finally managed to stand up and compose herself.
“I’m so terribly sorry sir. Please forgive me, that was wholly unprofessional. Now, what seems to be the issue”
“It’s swollen…”
“””””
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A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain. “Please doctor you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.”
“Don’t worry;” says the doctor, “I’ll put some cream on it.”
“You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.”
“No, you don’t understand!” answers the doctor, “I’ll put some cream on the place you were stung.”
“Oh! It happened in the garden in back of my house.”
“No, no, no!” says the doctor getting frustrated, “I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting you.”
“On my finger!” screamed the man in pain. “The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts.”
“Which one?” the doctor.
“How am I supposed to know? All bees look the same to me!”
“””””
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