A young Taiwanese boy asks his father a question:
He asks: “Dad, I heard some strange words at school today, and I don’t know what they mean.”
His dad responds, “Hmm… Tell me what they are. I’ll try to explain them as best I can.”

The boy asks the following: “What’s ‘angry?’ What’s ‘furious?’ What’s ‘crazy?’ What’s ‘ku xiao bu de (Taiwanese expression meaning “not knowing whether to laugh or to cry”)?'”
His father thinks for a moment–how will he explain this? Then he comes up with an idea. He picks up the phone and dials a random number. The conversation goes like this:
Person on the other end: “Hello, this is the Lin residence, how may I help you?”
Dad: “Hello. I’m looking for Chow Yun-fat.” (famous Hong Kong actor, well-known from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon)

Mr. Lin: “Excuse me, what?”
Dad: “I’m looking for Chow Yun-fat.”
Mr. Lin: “I think you’re mistaken–this is the Lin residence.”
Dad: “Please, I beg you, may I speak to Chow Yun-fat?”
Mr. Lin: “Oh, this is ridiculous! I’ve had enough.” He hangs up the phone.
The father explains to his son: “There, you see? That person is angry.”
The young boy nods, understanding. Then his dad picks up the phone again and dials the same number. Mr Lin responds, politely:

“Hello, this is the Lin residence, how may I help you”
“I’d like to please speak to Chow Yun-fat.”
“Did you just escape from the mental institute or something? This is the Lin residence, did you not hear me already?”

“I’m sorry about that. Could you help me find Chow Yun-fat, please?”
“Find your mother’s ass!” Mr. Lin hangs up again, and the boy’s father explains: “Now that person is not just angry, he is furious. Now for ‘crazy.’ What does crazy mean? I’ll show you.”
He picks up the phone again and dials the number a third time. Mr. Lin is still furious, saying, “This is harassment, you hear me? Keep this up and I’lll call the police and get you arrested!”
The dad responds, “Hello, is this the Lin residence?”

Mr. Lin is taken aback. He responds, much more gently: “Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I’ve just been getting a bunch of prank calls lately and I’m a little on edge. Who is it you’re looking for?”
“I’m looking for Chow Yun-fat.”

The dad hangs up and explains, “Now that’s what you call crazy.”
For his final act, the boy’s father picks up the phone and dials the same number one more time.
By this point, Mr. Lin is absolutely frothing at the mouth, sputtering, “This is enough, you hear me? ENOUGH! I’m calling the police! I’ll have no more of this. I’m DONE!”
The dad says, “Hello, this is Chow Yun-fat. Has anyone been asking for me?”
?
And that, my friends, is someone who doesn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

“””””

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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. ‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as she steps into the room, ‘Why are you down here at this time of night? The husband looks up from his coffee, ‘It’s the 20th Anniversary of the day we met’. She can’t believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, ‘Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,’ he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears. ‘Yes, I do’ she replies.

The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. ‘Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?’ ‘Yes, I remember’ said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him. The husband continued. ‘Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, “Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?’ ‘I remember that, too’ she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said “I would have gotten out today.”

“””””

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A man and a woman who had never met find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,…….

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.”
“Wow! That’s a great idea!”, he exclaimed.

“Good”, she replied. “Get your own fucking blanket.”

After a moment of silence…..he farted.

“””””

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A man asks a young grocer if he can purchase a half a head of lettuce. The boy says “hold on one second and I’ll check with my manager.”

The grocer walks to his office and says “So this tight ass wants to know if he can buy a half a head of lettuce….” Not knowing the man had followed him and was standing right there. The grocer quickly embraces the man and says “…and this fine gentleman would like to buy the other half”! The manager agreed the deal and and the man left.

Manager “You’re quick on your feet there! I could use someone like you as a lead. Where are you from son?”

Grocer “I’m originally from Winepeg. Nothing up there expect whores and hockey players.”

Manager “Excuse me. My wife is from Winepeg!”

Grocer “No shit, what team did she play for?”

“””””

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