A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park. Feeling dizzy from the ride, she immediately falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her breasts. “What are you doing?” she asks.

“I was just reviving you,” replies the man. “When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but still nothing happened. I’d run out of ideas, when a guy with a mustache came around the corner shouting something like ‘Fondle her b**bs!’ So I did that, and sure enough, somehow or other, that woke you up.”
“That’s very sweet of you,” says the woman, “but that guy could have just told you quietly instead of shouting it out where children can hear it.”

“I was just thinking that,” says the man. “Let’s go talk to him.”

The two of them walk around the park, trying to find the mustached man.

“There he is,” the man says at last. “Go tell him he shouldn’t shout out things like that in public.”
The woman is about to give the mustached man a piece of her mind, when the mustached man shouts…
“RUBBER BALLOONS! RUBBER BALLOONS!”

“””””

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A young man is paired up with an older gentlemen for a round of golf. Several holes in, the older gentleman is lining up his putt when a funeral procession slowly passes by on the road that runs alongside the course. The older gentleman stops his putting routine, takes off his hat, and bows his head while the line of cars goes by.

The younger man is moved by this tremendous display of respect and remarks, “Wow, that’s a really nice gesture!”

“It’s the least I could do,” replies the older gentleman. “We were married for 40 years.”

“””””

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3 stoners buy a horse. They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.
One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they’re stoned.
While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.

They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke from the bong.
Eventually, they detach muzzle the horse and the horse’s eyes get bloodshot, it is visibly high.
As a consequence, the horse starts talking:

“You have awakened me”, the horse says.

The stoners, shocked, reply, “whoa, you can talk?” In unison.

The horse proceeds to tell them that they must jerk him off or die.
The first stoner says “nuh-uh, i aint like that”, and the horse mauls him and chews his face, killing him slowly.

The second stoner tries to escape, screaming “Id rather die than jerk off a horse!”
The horse opens a safe, takes out a shotgun, and unloads a shell into the second stoner, making him slowly bleed out to death.

The third stoner, horrified, approaches the horse and fulfills the act until the horse is finished. The horse then spares the third stoner, and leaves him a diamond worth a great fortune.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should get off your high horse.

“””””

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The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.

“Can I help you?” the madam asked. “I want Natalie,” the old man replied. “Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else…” “No, I must see Natalie.”

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts…it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: “No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?” The old man replied, “I’m from Philadelphia.”
“Really?” replied Natalie. “I have family who lives there.”

“Yes, I know,” said the old man. “Your father died, and I’m your sister’s attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you.”

“””””

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