A barman tells three regulars that he has a magic slide in the beer garden. Incredulous they demand to see it for themselves.

When they get into the garden they see the slide is significantly taller than they were expecting, towering almost 40 feet into the air.

“How did we not see this from the street outside?” asked one of the regulars. “It’s a magic slide dumbass,” replied the barman.

“So it’s just really big? That doesn’t seem that magic,” said another of the regulars.
“I got it from an Irishman,” replied the barman. “He said it’s home to a leprechaun who will grant you a wish as you go down it. All you need to do is to shout what you wish for when you are halfway down the slide, and then at the end of the slide you’ll land in a big pot full of whatever you wished for.”
The regulars are incredulous, but they decide to call the barman’s bluff and try it for themselves.
It’s a long climb to the top of the slide, and the three of them arrive sweating and gasping for breath. Being British, they form an orderly queue and the first one sits down and sets off down the slide.
Within seconds he’s travelling at a tremendous speed and thoroughly enjoying himself. When he judges himself to be roughly halfway down the slide he yells out “Money” and when he reaches the bottom he lands in a big pot filled with £50 notes. Triumphant, he raises his arms and waves up at the two regulars still at the top of the slide.

The second sits down and sets off down the slide, gathering speed and waving his arms above his head with exhilaration. As he gets halfway down the slide he shouts out “Gold” and when he reaches the bottom he lands in a big pot filled with gold coins, miraculously managing to not break his legs.

The third sits down and sets off down the slide. He’s seen the other two have so much fun that by the time he gets started he’s really excited about going down this massive slide and has totally forgotten about making a wish. As he gets halfway down the slide he joyously exclaims “Weeeeeeeeeeeee” and when he reaches the bottom he lands with a big yellow splash.

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Jesus walks into a bar. He sees a Russian man with a glass of water. Jesus asks “My son, are you a believer?”

The Russian replies “No.” With a wave of his hands, Jesus changes it to a glass of wine. “Well my son, do you believe now?” The Russian frowns and shakes his head.

The next day, Jesus comes into the bar and sees the same man. “My son, are you a believer yet?” The Russian replies “No.” Jesus waves his hands and behold! The glass again is changed to wine. “Well my son, now you surely believe?” The Russian frowns and shakes his head.

On the third day, Jesus enters the bar and approaches the Russian. “My son, are you a believer yet?”
The Russian looks up “If i say I believe, will you just leave my vodka alone today?”

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A man decided to join a Buddhist monastery where you were only allowed to say two words every 10 years

After 10 years in the Buddhist monastery the head monk summons’ him and says ‘You’ve been with us for 10 years. What two words would you like to say.’

The monk replies ‘I’m hungry’, so the head monk organises for an extra ration be given to him each day.

After 20 years the head Buddhist monk calls him in again and asks ‘What two words would you like to say?’

The monk replies with ‘Too cold’, so the head monk organises for him to get another blanket.

After 30 years the head monk calls him in and says ‘What two words would you like to say’.
The monk replies with ‘Wanna leave’.

The head Buddhist monk says ‘I’m not surprised. You’ve done nothing but complain since you’ve been here’.

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One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window.

As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, “Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my vagina!” The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.

The doctor thought for a moment and said “Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit.” The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife’s vagina.

The doctor said “Okay, what I’m going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said, “Yes, whatever, just get on with it.” So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, entered the woman.

After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, “I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further.” The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. The husband became very annoyed and shouted, “Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The doctor, still concentrating, replied, “Change of plan. I’m gonna drown the bastard!”

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