A lady went into the pharmacy

A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said “I would like to buy some cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady : “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied : “Oh Well now That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”


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At the sausage factory

A man who owned a sausage factory was showing his arrogant asshole son around his factory.

Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer and look down his nose at everything.

They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, “This should impress him!”

He showed his son a machine and said, “Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.”

The son, unimpressed, said, “Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”

The father, “Yes son, we call it your mother.”

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Blonde and dog

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?”

The blonde said it was hers. Your dog seems to be in heat’ the officer said. The blonde replied, ‘No way. She’s cool cause she’s tied up under that shade tree.’ The policeman said, `’No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be bred.’ No way,’ said the blonde. ‘My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this morning The exasperated policeman said, ‘NO! You don’t understand. Your dog wants to have sex!”‘ The blonde looked at the cop and said, “Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog”.

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EMOTION themed fancy dress party

I organised an EMOTION themed fancy dress party.

People start arriving, first is Sally who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in blue, with tear drops inked on her face. “Ah Sally nice costume, you are clearly sadness, come on in and get yourself a drink.”
Next up is Andy, who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in red, with flames on his hat. “Ah Andy, nice costume, you must be anger, come on in and get yourself a drink.”

Next up is my best friend Selwin who is Jamaican, knocks on the door completely naked except for a pear, which he is wearing on the end of his dick.

Grinning his shouts “Hey mon, I is ‘ere for de fancy dress party!”

I say “Jesus man where are your clothes, what kind of costume is that? You’re meant to dress as an emotion, could you not have come as happiness or something?”

“But I am emotional mon, I is deep in dis pear!”

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