Man found himself stranded on an island
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Man found himself stranded on an island

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank…

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”
“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. ” I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree.”
“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman. ” On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”

The guy is stunned.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.” “Would you like a drink?”
“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed. “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”
“Oh, it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman. “I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,

” I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
“You’ve built a Golf Course too?”

“””””

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Farmer’s teenage daughters started dating
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Farmer’s teenage daughters started dating

There once was a farmer whose five quintuplet teenage daughters were going on dates at the same time.

“As soon as your dates arrive,” said the farmer, “I will talk to them personally. If I don’t like them, I will shoot them.”

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. “Who is this?”

“My name’s Teddy,” said the boy. “I’m going steady with Betty. We’re getting spaghetti. Is she ready?”

“I don’t see any harm in this guy,” thought the farmer. So off went Teddy and Betty to get spaghetti.

Just then, another knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. “Who is this?”

“My name’s Joe,” said the boy. “I want you to know that I’m taking Flo to the show. Can we go? Yes or no?”

“I don’t see any harm in this guy,” thought the farmer. So off went Joe and Flo to the show.

Just then, a third knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. “Who is this?”

“My name’s Nate,” said the boy. “I hope I’m not late for my date with Kate. We’re going to skate, which I think will be great.”

“I don’t see any harm in this guy,” thought the farmer. So off went Nate and Kate to skate.

Just then, a fourth knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. “Who is this?”

“My name’s Lance,” said the boy. “I’m taking Nance to the high school dance, which is themed like Paris, France. Is she ready for our romance, by chance?”

“I don’t see any harm in this guy,” thought the farmer. So off went Lance and Nance to the dance.

Just then, a fifth knock was heard at the door. The farmer answered the door, shotgun in hand. “Who is this?”
“My name’s Chuck,” said the boy.
Then he died.

“””””

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Possible Assassin
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Possible Assassin

The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, duck!”

“””””

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Neighbourly Advice
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Neighbourly Advice

A woman rings at neighbour’s door. A man opens the door.

Woman: “Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?”

Man:”Well yes, of course! I bought 18 stacks of paper.”

The woman thanks the man and goes on to buy 18 stacks of paper. When she was finished with the kitchen she returns to the neighbour.

Woman:” well thanks again for the advice, I am done and the new kitchen looks awesome! I am just wondering, I still have 8 stacks of paper left…?”

Man:”Yeah, me too.”

“””””

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