Italian girl gets married
description

Italian girl gets married

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl’s mother lives downstairs.

The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.

“Momma, Momma,” she cries. “I can’t believe it! He has hair all over his chest! What should I do?”
The mother is making spaghetti sauce. She stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says, “Hair on his chest? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.”

When the girl gets back upstairs, the man takes off his pants. This sends her running back down to her mother: “Momma, Momma! He has hair all over his legs! What should I do?”

The mother stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says: “Hair on his legs? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.”

The girl goes back upstairs, and the man takes off his shoes and socks. She looks down and sees that half of one of his feet is missing. She goes crying back down the stairs:

“Momma, Momma! He’s got a foot and a half! What should I do?”

The mother hands her daughter the spoon and says:

“A foot and a half? Here, you stir the sauce. I’ll go upstairs.”

“““““

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Whales swimming off the coast of Japan
description

Whales swimming off the coast of Japan

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale,

“Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, “lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

“What’s the matter darling?”

“Look love,” she said,

“I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen

“““““

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Village was troubled by a man-eating lion
description

Village was troubled by a man-eating lion

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Rygax, to come and kill the beast.

For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide.

Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture towait for the lion.

In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture.

As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain.

There was no sign of the lion.

“What happened, Rygax? Where is the lion? ” asked the chief.

“Forget the damn lion! ” he howled. “Which one of you idiots let the bull loose? ”

“““““

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Pulled over slow driver
description

Pulled over slow driver

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies – two in the front seat and three in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the trooper replied, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask … Is everyone in this car OK?” the trooper asked with concern. “These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.”

“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer,” she replied. “We just got off Route 110.”

“““““

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