Woman on vacation and calls home
description

Woman on vacation and calls home

A woman’s on vacation and calls home and dhe asks her husband, “How’s my cat doing?”

The husband says, “The cat’s dead.”

The woman’s upset and says, “Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” says the husband, “I’ll remember that.”

The woman says, “Anyway, how’s my mother doing?”

The husband says, “Your mother’s on the roof and we can’t get her down.”

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Three T-Rexes
description

Three T-Rexes

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says “Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me.” The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells “Make a shower of meat all over the place.” Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.

The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars “Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!”

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Young Mexican was curious about America
description

Young Mexican was curious about America

A young Mexican man named Jose was curious about America so he snuck across the border.

He wanted to go see a baseball game so when he went home, he could tell his family all about it. When he got there, the game was sold out, so he decided to climb to the top of a flag pole to get a better look. When he returned home, his family was anxious to hear about his experience:

“What happened?” asked his family.

“Well, America is the nicest place in the world!!” he said. “Before the game started, all the people in the stands and all the players stood up, looked at me and said, “Jose, can you see?”

“““““

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Don’t Jump!
description

Don’t Jump!

So I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump

I said, “Don’t do it!”

He said, “Nobody loves me.”

I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.”

I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”

He said, “A Christian.”

I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”

He said, “Protestant.”

I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”

He said, “Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”

I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.

I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
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