8 year-old girl asks Grandpa
description

8 year-old girl asks Grandpa

An out-of-breath 8 year-old girl ran up to her grandfather, who was tinkering in his workshop, and confronted him with the universally dreaded (by adults) question, “What is sex…?”

He was surprised she’d ask such a question at her age, but thought if she’s old enough to ask, she’s old enough to get a straight answer. He wouldn’t shirk his responsibility.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to describe for her all the variations of human sexuality he could conjure, careful to impress upon her the joys and responsibilities of intercourse and procreation.

When finally Grandpa was done pontificating, the little girl stood frozen, as though nailed to the spot, and looked at him with her mouth open, eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing she was overwhelmed, he asked what caused her sudden curiosity.

His granddaughter shook off her reverie and replied, “Grandma says dinner will be ready in a couple of secs.”

“““““

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Three men walking through a desert
description

Three men walking through a desert

Three English men were walking through a desert. They were tired and thirsty but most of all hungry.

Soon, they came across a nomad with about two camels, one alive and one very much dead.

The nomad said “Hey there, you guys look hungry”

The three men all nodded.

“I tell you what, I was about to start eating this camel. I’ll share it with you”

The three men soon started arguing about who gets what when one of them chimes in with a “Alright guys, how about this?

Whatever football/soccer team we support dictates what part of the camel we can have”

So he goes “Well, I support Liverpool”

So he got the liver

“I support Hartlepool” said the second man and so he got the heart.

The last guy said “I support Arsenal but I’m not hungry.”
“““““

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I know the whole truth
description

I know the whole truth

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

“““““

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Ed and Dugly at the urinals
description

Ed and Dugly at the urinals

Ed and Dugly were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory..

when Ed glanced over and noticed that Dugly’s penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

“Blimey,” Ed said. “I’ve never seen one like that before.”

“Like what?” Dugly said.

“All twisted like a pigs tail,” Ed said.

“Well what’s yours like?” Dugly said.

“Well straight like normal,” Ed said.

“I thought mine was normal `til I saw yours,” Dugly said.

Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shake down prior to putting it back in his pants.

“What did you do that for?” Dugly said.

“Shaking off the excess drops,” Ed said. “Like normal.”

“Shit,” Dugly said. “And all these years I’ve been wringing it!”

“““““

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