Two wives have a night out. They decide to walk home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee. They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realise they have nothing to wipe themselves with.

So one uses her underwear and the other grabs a wreath and uses that. Next day there husbands are talking on the phone, voicing there concerns. “I’m not happy”, says first husband,”she came home with no knickers on.”

“I hear you” replies second husband. “But if you think that’s bad, my wife had a card stuck in the crack of her arse saying, “From all the guys at the fire station, we will all miss you!”

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A Widow lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, “Mom, I have someone for you to meet!” Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Paris.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”

She replied “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”

He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.

The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?”

He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”

“””””

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Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well.

Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately.

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the manager?!?

Doctor: Sure, we’ll do things your way. No need to raise your temper. Why don’t we try an astrology based approach?

Karen: At last a sensible approach.

Doctor: So, what’s your star sign?

Karen: it’s cancer.

Doctor: Well what a fucking coincidence.

“””””

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A new Buddhist monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other Buddhist monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies of the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, worried that there may be errors The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, the old monk goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the 75 year monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks, “what’s wrong”.

“You fuckers”, he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, “the word was celebrate!”

“””””

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