A new Buddhist monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other Buddhist monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies of the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, worried that there may be errors The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

So, the old monk goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the 75 year monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks, “what’s wrong”.

“You fuckers”, he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, “the word was celebrate!”

“””””

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Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man. One of the guys said he was going to bug him.

He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a real tosser.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.”

Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a tosser and he didn’t care!”

“You just don’t know how to set him off. Watch and learn.”

The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. “I hear your St. Patrick was a wanker!”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you.”

Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies. “You are right, he is unshakable!”
The third English man said: “No, no, no, I will really bug him, you just watch.”

The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said: “I hear your St. Patrick was an Englishman!”

“Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me.”

“””””

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Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. “He’s not my husband,” she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. “He’s not my husband either.”

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

“Wait a minute,” she says. “He’s not even a member of this club.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Four surgeons are discussing their favorite patients to work on.

The first surgeon to speak says “librarians are my favorite; when you cut them open, everything inside is alphabetical filed.”

The next surgeon replies “I prefer to work on accountants, because everything is in numerical order.”

The third surgeon rebuttles “electricians are the best, when you open them up, everything is color-coded.”

After some thought, the fourth surgeon finally speaks up. “I like working on politicians.” Baffled, the other three surgeons turn to each other in disbelief.

The fourth surgeon continues: “Because they’re heartless, gutless, spineless, and the ass and head are interchangeable.”

“””””

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