A drunk man stumbles out of bar and runs into 2 priest. The drunk man looks at the 1st priest and says,
“Hey, I’m Jesus Christ.”

The 1st priest tells the man, “No, my son, you’re not.”

Then the man turns to the 2nd priest and says the same thing. “Hey, I’m Jesus Christ.”

The 2nd priest tells the man, “No, my son, you’re not.”

The drunk man tells the priests that he can prove it. So he takes the 2 priests into the bar and the bartender says,

“Jesus Christ. You’re back again?”

“””””

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It was the first day of a school in the USA and a new Indian girl named Prisha Patel entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let”s begin by reviewing some American hitory. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death”?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Prisha, who had her hand up:? “Patrick shenry, 1775” she said.

“Very good! Who said “Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?””

Again, there was no response except for the new Indian student. “Abraham Lincoln, 1863” said Prisha.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed. Prisha, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Fuck the Indians,”

“Who said that?” she demanded. Prisha put her hand up. “General Custer, 1876.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A man scores a hot date. Not wanting to disappoint the girl he started dating in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged. The doctor says, “we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick.” To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and the girl he started dating are having dinner. The man is in love with her, but is experiencing an increasingly uncomfortable pressure in his trousers. In an attempt to relieve the pain, he slowly undoes his fly.

Immediately, his penis lunges out onto the table, grabs a bread roll and vanishes back under the table.
His date, unsurprisingly shocked, slowly smiles and says, “could you do that again?”

The man, his eyes watering slightly, replies “probably, but I don’t think I can fit another roll in my arse.”

“””””

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Ali and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London.

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib asks Ali ‘I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?’

Ali says, ‘Look at your sign, what does it say’?

Habib’s sign reads ‘I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support’.

Ali says No wonder you only get £2- £3

Habib says ‘So what does your sign say’?

Ali shows Habib his sign. It reads:

‘I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan’.

“””””

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