Dugly woke up with a huge hangover after attending his buddy’s Super Bowl party. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Dugly had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Dugly sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So was the rest of the house.

He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!” He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating. Dugly asked, “Son, what happened last night?” “Well, you came home after 3 A.M, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.” Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replied, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bathroom to clean you up, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone bitch, I’m married!'”

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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference…

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
“I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
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The driver agrees: “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”

“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :
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“Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

“””””

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An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.

The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made. “This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly this proves that I’m the smartest.”

The math teacher just laughs at him. “That’s nothing” she says. She then pulls out a huge 1’000 question math test which she took, and the score shows that she got them all right. “It took me two months to do this, and I got them all right on the first try!!”

“Oh you make me laugh” the science teacher says. He then pulls out a robot that he built which can do laundry, walk the dog, and shoot lasers out of its eyes. “Took me three months to build this beauty, watch and weep…”

Then the gym teacher comes laughing at all three of them. “You’re all idiots” He says. “Clearly I’m the smartest of you guys.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” The science teacher says.

“Because I didn’t have to do any of that, and I still get paid the same as you!”

“””””

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A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you $1,000, will you let me bite your tits?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.

The man then asks if he can bite her tits for $5,000. The woman still says no. The man asks for $10,000, $20,000 and $50,000 but the woman still refuses. He finally makes his last offer: $100,000. The woman, after hearing such a large amount of money, accepts to let the man bite her boob. They go into a small dark street and the woman takes her top off and shows her huge tits. The man plunges his head into the beautiful breasts and starts playing with them. The woman, starting to get impatient, says: “Are you going to bite it or what?” He then answers: “No, it’s too expensive”

“””””

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