A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess with big breasts, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Next the frog yells, “Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess with big tits and a perfect butt, I’ll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess with big tits and a perfect ass, that I’ll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The young man said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

“””””

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After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.

He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden, wide-eyed and intrigued, says, “Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water.”

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “What lobsters?”

“””””

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Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself…

“2+5, the son of a bitch is 7”

“3+6, the son of a bitch is 9″

His mother heard this & asked, ” Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?”

“Oh Mom. Don’t disturb. I am doing my maths homework”

Mom: “Is this how your teacher taught you?”

“Yes mom ”

Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:

“Are you teaching maths to children by saying… 2+2, the son of a bitch is 4?”

There was silence for a moment

Then the teacher started laughing :

“What I taught them was… 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4.”

“””””

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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him, so he walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”
Once again, he thanked her.

He finished his round, went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.”
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.

She said she was in sales and he said he was in sales also.

He asked what she sold.

She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” he said.

She said, “I sell tampons.”

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at!” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”

“””””

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