Doctor, lawyer, priest, and engineer

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course’s pro.

“Hey, how come you’re letting guys like this on the course? They’re hitting their balls all over the place, spending way too much time lining up their putts, always in the sand traps…and they don’t see us trying to play through!”

The pro says, “Well, you see, last year there was an awful fire at the clubhouse. And these four firemen were injured fighting the blaze. They all lost their eyesight! Well, since they did so much to save us, the least we can do is let them golf here whenever they want to.”

The doctor says, “Oh, that’s horrible! You know, I know a lot of good eye doctors. I’m sure they can do something to help restore their sight.”

The lawyer says, “Hmm, I wonder if their masks were defective. I can probably file a huge lawsuit against the manufacturers. Pro bono!”

The priest says, “They are saints! I will pray for them and use their story as an example of courage and selflessness in my next sermon.”

The engineer asks, “Why don’t they play at night?”

“””””

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I’ll turn into a beautiful princess with big breasts

A young man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The young man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess with big breasts, I’ll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the young man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Next the frog yells, “Okay okay, If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess with big tits and a perfect butt, I’ll stay with you FOREVER and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the young man took the frog out, then he chuckled at it and put it back in his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess with big tits and a perfect ass, that I’ll stay with you forever, and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The young man said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

“””””

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Fisherman is walking from the pier

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket.

He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, “I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day.”

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “If you don’t believe me then watch,” as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden, wide-eyed and intrigued, says, “Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water.”

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, “What lobsters?”

“””””

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The son of a bitch

Henry was doing maths homework, saying to himself…

“2+5, the son of a bitch is 7”

“3+6, the son of a bitch is 9″

His mother heard this & asked, ” Henry ! What is this nonsense you are doing?”

“Oh Mom. Don’t disturb. I am doing my maths homework”

Mom: “Is this how your teacher taught you?”

“Yes mom ”

Infuriated mother picked up her cell phone and called the teacher:

“Are you teaching maths to children by saying… 2+2, the son of a bitch is 4?”

There was silence for a moment

Then the teacher started laughing :

“What I taught them was… 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4.”

“””””

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