A horse and a pig are best friends. One day the horse got so sick that he couldn’t stand up anymore. The farmer called the vet who said: “If this horse doesn’t stand up in three days, you may put him down”.

After the farmer and the vet left, the pig ran to the horse and started talking to him.
Pig: Please stand up, I don’t want you to die!

But the horse was too sick and tired to listen.

On the second day the pig came back and said: Please stand up, think of all the beautiful memories we have !
But the horse was again too sick and tired to listen.

On the third day the pig came backs for the last time and said: This is your last chance to stand up. Please take this chance, I don’t want to be alone I will miss you too hard.

After hearing this, the horse used all his power to stand up. After a couple of tries, he could finally stand up again and started to feel better.

The farmer saw this all happening and yelled: “My favorite horse got healthy and alive! We must celebrate this with a luxurious meal.”

” Slaughter the pig!”

“””””

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The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?

This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular, Scotsman he says, “You’re in charge of shoveling.”

To the slightly less muscular but still large Italian man, he says, “You’re in charge of sweeping.”
And to the skinny Chinese man he says, “You’re in charge of supplies.”

He then says, “Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand.”

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, “Why didn’t you sweep any of it?”

He replies “I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.”

The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, “And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.”
He replied, “Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel’ a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin’ him onywhar.”

The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells…
“SUPPLIES!”

“””””

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Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross.

“Something for this, I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape. He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.
When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden. “Something for this, I have.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers. “That’s ok Master.” Luke says, wanting to be helpful. “I’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.” So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror. “Master Yoda!” he asks. “What did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, “A Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

“””””

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