Three construction workers are sitting down on a beam of a skyscraper to eat their lunch.

First guy says, “Tuna fish on rye again? I tell ya. If that bitch makes me tuna fish on rye again tomorrow, I’m just going to jump off this building and kill myself!”

Second guy says, “Leftover meatloaf for the third day in a row! If I gotta eat this crap one more day, I’m just going to jump off this building and end it all!”

Third guy says, “Bologna sandwiches again! Yuck! If I gotta eat this shit one more time, I’m just gonna jump.”
The next day, the first guy opens his lunch. He sees it’s a tuna on rye, and he yells, “FUCK!!!” and he jumps off the building and splatters on the street below.

The second guy opens his lunch box. “Goddamn meatloaf again! That’s it!” And he leaps to his death as well. Splat!

The third guy opens his lunch box. “FUCK!” he says. “Bologna! Goodbye, world!” And he steps off too. A moment later, he splatters on the street below.

At the funeral, the widows are sobbing and crying to the heavens.

“Oh, Joe! If you’d only you’d told me you didn’t like tuna fish! I would have made you something else!” And she breaks down, inconsolable.

The second widow tears at her shirt. “Bill! Dear sweet Bill! Why didn’t you tell me you hated meatloaf so much! I had a fridge full of cold cuts of all types!” And she collapses to the floor, heartbroken.
Everybody looks at the third widow, sitting there knitting all by herself. She looks up and realizes they’re staring.

“Don’t look at me,” she says. “That idiot packed his own lunches.”

“““““

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’

Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay…..How old am I?’

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’

‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.

“““““

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A blond woman is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster announces that six Brazilian men died of Coronavirus.

The blond woman starts sobbing uncontrol-lably.

Confused, her husband says, “It is sad, but why are you crying so much”?

After a few moments, the blond woman, still crying, asks, “How many is a Brazilian?”

“““““

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A big muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks,

“W-w-w-w-what’s y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?”

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself:

“W-w-w-w whats y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-a-away p-p-policy?”

Again, the clerk doesnt answer him.

The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-whats y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?”

And the clerk just seems to ignore him.

Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “why wouldnt you answer that guy’s question?”

The clerk answers, “D-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get m-m-m-m-m-m-y ass k-k-k-icked?!!”

“““““

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