The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded affirmatively…

“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”
The little boy nodded once more.

“So…” the coach continued. “I’m sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole, is it?”

The little boy nodded yet again.

“Good.” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”

“““““

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A young boy says to his father “Dad, our math teacher wants to see you.”

“What happened?” The father asks.

“Well, she asked me, ‘how much is 7 * 9?’ I answered ’63’ , then she asked, ‘and 9 * 7?’ So I asked ‘what’s the fucking difference?’

“Indeed, what is the difference?” asks the father. ”Sure, I’ll go.”

The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, “Dad, have you gone by the school?”

“Not yet.”

“Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also.”

“Why?” asks the father.

“Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. ‘Now,’ he says, ‘lift your left leg,’ so I asked, ‘What, am I suppose to stand on…. my cock??'”

“Exactly,” says the father. “Alright, I’ll come.”

The next day, the boy asks his father “Did you go to the school?” “No, not yet.”

“Don’t bother, I got expelled.”

Surprised, the father asks “Why did you get expelled?”

“Well, they summoned me to the principal’s office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher.”

“What the fuck was the art teacher doing there!?” asks the father.

“That’s what I said!”

“““““

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A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married.

God says give me some time and I’ll get back to you. Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.

A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.

God responds “It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it’ll take me to find a lawyer?!”

“““““

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I met a girl in a bar.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I asked.

“Have you not got a girlfriend?” she replied, “Guys like you always have girlfriends.”

“No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago,” I assured her.

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please.”

A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.

While I was putting my clothes back on she said,

“So, you’re good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?”

I said, “My wife found out.”

“““““

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