Kelly, Elena and Sally

Three women named Kelly, Elena and Sally, our blonde protagonist, attempted to rob the local bank.

Kelly explained the plan to both of them. They went through it once again and then left for the bank.

While Sally went inside the bank, Elena waited in the driver’s seat and Kelly was leaning against the back of their van.

A few moments later when the siren sounded, Kelly opened the back door and jumped into the van, ready for Sally to arrive.

Sally runs out with a bomb in one hand and a rope in the other with a safe tied to it tugging along. A guard with his pants down was running behind her.

Sally tried but couldn’t get the safe into the van. At last, Kelly shouted, “Leave it ! Get in !” Sally gets in and they rush out.

After reaching safety, Kelly began shouting, “What were you thinking ?! What was that all about ?! I think I told ….. Sally YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE !”

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A Jewish boy is doing poorly in math

Young Jewish Dating boy is doing poorly in math. His parents are very concerned because they’re both good at mathematics and they feel like he needs to learn math in order to be successful in college. They do everything they can to try to interest him. They hire tutors, they promise him rewards, they praise him when he does something good in math but nothing seems to work: he keeps coming back home after each report card period with an F in mathematics.

The parents are at their wit’s end and don’t know what else to do so they finally decide to consult the rabbi. The parents go to the rabbi and say “oh wise Rabbi our son is doing poorly in mathematics. We know he has the ability but he’s just not applying himself what do we do?” Rabbi strokes his chin, is silent for a while and then he turns to the parents and says “I’m going to give you a solution but I have to warn you it’s going to be very unorthodox”. The parey look puzzled and so the rabbi continues. He says “if you want your son to excel in mathematics, enroll him a Catholic school. If you do that you’ll get better at math I guarantee.”

The parents are both surprised at the rabbi’s advice but they trust him and think he’s a wise man so they enroll their son in a Catholic school. The very first day after the son is in Catholic school he comes home and go straight to his room and does his mathematics homework all evening.

The next night the same thing happens and so on and so on and he comes home at the end of the report card period eith an A in mathematics. The parents are beaming and delighted that the rabbi’s advice worked. Finally the mother asks the son “what is it that made you improve so much in mathematics? Was it the discipline at the Catholic School? The uniforms? Better teachers?” And the son said ‘No. The very first day I came in I saw that guy hanging on the plus sign I knew they meant business”

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Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 kids

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.

After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut up.”
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All you kids do these days is play video games

My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games.”
“When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!”

The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends.

He comes back only three days later covered in bruises, and with a broken arm.

The grandfather asks, “What the hell happened to you?”

The grandson says, “I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender — but they beat the shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!”

The grandfather says, “Well who the hell did you go with boy?”

The grandson says, “My friends from school, who did you go with?”

The grandfather says, “Well…the Nazis.”

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