Son: “Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?”

Father: “Sure son. What’s the question?”

Son: “What is Politics?”

Father: “Well, let’s take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me “Capitalism”. your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her “Government”. We take care of your need, so let’s call you “The People”. We’ll call the maid “The Working Class” and your little brother, we can call “The Future”. Do you understand son?

Son: “I’m not really sure, dad. I’ll have to think about it.”

That night awakened by his brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: “Dad, now I think i understand what politics is.”

Father: “Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?”

Son: “Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit.”

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With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill.

“Honey, you’re so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she’ll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? Never again!”

He couldn’t believe his ears but, afraid she might change her mind, grabbed the money and ran, but within five minutes was back, totally disappointed.

“She says fifty isn’t enough. She wants hundred!”

His wife was mad, Why that bitch! When she was pregnant and her husband came over here, I only charged him fifty!

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A koala bear and a lizard are sitting in a tree smoking a joint. The koala bear eats a lot of eucalyptus and is a little bit bigger so his tolerance is pretty good. The lizard however is a lightweight and loses his shit very quickly.

He says to the koala bear “I’m gonna need a drink of water.” So he walks down the branch and takes a drink out of the river. All of a sudden a big swash of water comes along and carries him out into the river. He’s drowning and struggling to keep above water. Well an alligator sees all this happening and swims out to save him. He picks up the lizard on his nose and carries him back to the river bank.

The alligator says “man what the hell were you thinking swimming out there?” The lizard respond “I know I know, but I’m high as hell the koala bear rolled up a huge fattie and here I am.” The alligator says “whoa whoa the koala bear has some weed?”

And the lizard says “yeah he’s right up there.” So the alligator walks to the base of the tree and looks up at the koala and says “koala bear what’s up my brotha!” And the koala bear looks down at him and says

“Holy shit how much water did you drink?!?!”

“““““

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My job is so fucking unbelievable.
I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

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