Dana was a prostitute, but she didn’t want her grandma to know…

One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up. By chance, Dana’s grandma came by.

Grandma asked, “Why are you standing in line here, dear?”

Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Dana told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

“Why, that’s awfully nice of them. I think I’ll get some for myself,” Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes.

When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, “Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it old girl?”

Grandma replied, “Oh, it’s easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck ’em’ dry.”

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There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?”

He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”

Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

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The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Henry raised his hand first. He said, “Predator.”

“Clever answer! They sure eat things!” The teacher told him.

Next, Scott raised his hand. “Oh! I know! Raptor!”

“You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things,” the teacher said.
Then, little Timmy answered. “Vibrator!”

The class went dead silent. The teacher told Timmy, “Um Timmy, I don’t think vibrators eat things…”

Timmy was confused. “Really? My sister told me it ate through batteries like crazy!”

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I proposed to my Russian girlfriend and she said “yes!”

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, “You may now kiss the bride”, but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn’t mind.

Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.

As we passed, they all said in unison, “You may now kiss the bride!” My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.

As we walked away I asked, “Why did they tell us to kiss and not the priest?”
My wife answered,

“In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!”

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