A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.

“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!

“””””

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An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.

She asked him, “Daddy, what is sex?” The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, “Why did you ask
this question?”

The little girl replied, “Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs.”

“””””

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Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. Eventually, they started talking about their jobs, and why they were at the beach.

“I’m a construction worker,” said the first man. “All day long I toil in the hot, hot sun, and do so wearing very heavy clothes. It’s quite exhausting. But here, I can relax, and do so without any clothing at all.”

“I’m an accountant,” said the second man. “I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same.”
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. “What about you?” they asked. “Why are you here?”

“My doctor sent me here,” said the third man. “I’m a pickpocket.”

“””””

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A blackout drunk man throws up on himself. He begins to panic because he doesn’t want to explain it to his wife. The bartender says “ no big deal, just stick a $10 bill in your pocket and say some other booze hound threw up on you and gave you money for the dry cleaning bill”. The man stumbles into his house, and his wife immediately is furious over his stained jacket, he tells her the lie and she finds money in his pocket. “ honey this is $20 not $10”

“Ohhhh yeah, he also took a shit in my pants!!”

“””””

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