A married couple became famous for not having an argument in 25 years.

Local newspaper editors gathered at the occasion to find out the secret to their happy 25 year marriage.
The editor said: “Sir, it’s amazing, impossible. How is this possible?”

The husband began recalling his honeymoon days: “after our honeymoon, we began horseback riding, on different horses. I was lucky to have a gentle, kind-spirited horse.

My wife on the other hand wasn’t so fortunate. She had a crazy horse. As she was riding the horse, the horse began to jump wildly and she fell off. My wife patted the horse on the back, saying ‘this is your first time.’ She jumped back on and we continued riding for a while. Then the horse started acting wildly again, causing my wife to fall off once again. She didn’t lose her cool and patted the horse again, saying ‘this is your second time’. Once again she hopped on and again, the horse jumped wildly and she fell off. My wife pulled out a revolver and shot the horse dead.

My jaw fell to the ground. ‘What the hell are you doing? Did you just shoot a horse?? What’s wrong with you?!’, I asked her, shocked and bewildered.

She looked at me, ‘this is your first time’.”

“””””

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A man is wandering deep in the forest when he comes upon a strange looking pub…

The man walks inside and is immediately greeted by the barkeep.

“What can I get you?” the barkeep asks.

“I’ll just have a beer,” the man replies.

“Unfortunately, the guy who just left drank our last beer,” the barkeep says. “However, I do have another drink I can offer you… the Elixir of the Forest Elves.”

“What’s that?” the man inquires.

“Ah,” the barkeep responds. “It’s a potent mix of dragon blood, unicorn hair, and fairy tears.”
The man thinks for a moment. “Alright, I’ll try one of those.”

The barkeep gets to work behind the bar, mixing the mystical ingredients: lights flash, colors change, smoke billows. He returns with a goblet, its contents bubbling out of the sides.

Intrigued, the man takes a nervous sip.

“Jesus Christ,” the man exclaims. “That tastes horrible.”

“No shit,” says the barkeep. “Why do you think the last guy drank all the beer?

“””””

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“Menu sir?” asked the owner. “I am blind. Just bring me some of your dirty forks. I will smell each one and order.” said the blind man.

The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve some dirty forks and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the forks and said, “Yes, I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables.” “Unbelievable!” the owner thought.

The next day, the blind man returned to the restaurant.

The owner, wanting to see how good his smell is, went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, “Do me a favor and rub this fork in your private part.” which she did. The owner returned to the blind man and let him smell the fork.

The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and said, “Oh! Interesting! I never knew Brenda worked here!”

“””””

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A TV crew goes down to a farmer to explore how a day in the countryside unfolds. They ask him to describe how his day goes.

– Well, I get up in the morning, and I have a shot of moonshine…

– Hold on, hold on, this won’t do!! We can’t tell our viewers that you’re drinking first thing in the morning. You know what, say that you get up and read the newspaper. There you go!

– Alright, I get up in the morning, and I read the newspaper. I feed the pigs, and then I read another newspaper. In the morning, I’m out in the workshop, and I read two or three books. For lunch, I read two magazines, then I walk around the estate, reading another book. In the evening, I bring in the animals, and then I read the evening newspaper. After that, I would go to the library, but it’s only open until ten, so then we go over to my buddy Joe’s place, ’cause he’s got a printing press…

“””””

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