A group of married couples get together for a Christmas dinner

When the last couple arrives, the wife is immediately showing off her present from her husband.

“Look at what my Jacob bought me!”, she exclaims as she holds up her hand with a diamond the size of a baseball on it.

All the other wives gather around her oohing and ahhing over her new ring.

One of the other husbands whispers to Harold, “I thought she wanted a new car?”

“She did”, answers Harold. “But I don’t know where to buy a fake Mercedes”.

“””””

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A magician was working on a cruise ship. Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” Or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the Captain’s parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … With the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day… And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said “Okay, I give up. Where’s the fucking ship?”

“””””

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Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best sex in town!”

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, “I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!”

Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk returns to the bar’s far end. Ten minutes later, he returns and announces, “Your mom liked it!”

Finally, the guy interrupts. “Go home, Dad, you’re drunk.”

“””””

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A Frenchman, a Greek and an Albanian are in a hot air balloon on a foggy day.

Sometime into the flight, the Frenchman announces:

“We are flying over France.”

“How do you know?” say the Greek and the Albanian.

“I put my hand out and touched the Eiffel Tower.”

Later, the Greek announces:

“We are flying over Greece now.”

“How do you know?” say the others.

“Because I put my hand out and touched the Parthenon”

A few minutes later, the Albanian announces:

“Ah, now we are flying over Albania!”

“How do you know?”

“I put my hand out and they stole my watch.”

“””””

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