A group of newly-hatched kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use big people words,” she’d always remind them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words!”

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”

“No, you took a ride on a train,” said the teacher. “Use big people words”.

She then asked Bobby what he had done.

“I read a book,” he replied.

“That’s wonderful!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”

Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, “Winnie the Shit.”

“””””

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An engineer, a mathematician and an economist go on a work interview

First up is the engineer. The employer asks him what is 2+2 is?

The engineer a little confused answer 4 of course.

The employer thanks him and calls in the mathematician.

Again, he asks what 2+2 is?

The mathematician states that with high certainty it’s around 4.

The employer thanks him and calls in the economist.

Again, he asks what 2+2 is?

The economist looks around, stands up and closes the curtains before he bends down and whispers: What do you want it to be?

“””””

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Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women.

He couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.

Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.

“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.

The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”

“””””

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There’s these three guys, and they’re sitting around a table. The first guy says “You know what, I’m fast. I think I’m so fast, I might be the fastest guy in the world” So his buddies time him, take a picture, and send it to the Guinness book of world records.

The second guy says “You know what, I’m tall. I think I’m so tall, I might be the tallest guy in the world” So his buddies measure him, take a picture, and send it to the Guinness book of world records.
The third guy says “You know what, I got a small penis. I think it’s so small, it might be the smallest in the world” So his buddies get a ruler, measure it, take a picture, and send it to the Guinness book of world records.

They’re sitting around a few weeks later, and the results come back. The first guy opens his letter and shouts “I DID IT! I’m the fastest guy in the world!” The second guy opens his and shouts “I DID IT! I’m the tallest guy in the world!” The third guy opens his letter and shouts angrily “WHO THE FUCK IS (insert your mates name here)!!!”

“””””

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