Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip. That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, “my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners.” The Rabbi says “my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes steal from the Temple.” The Islamic imam says, “my sin is gluttony. At least once a week I go to the liquor store for a six-pack and then head to McDonalds in the middle of the night and get a big bag of Big Macs, Bacon cheese burgers and fries and eat and drink it all while sitting in the parking lot.” The Baptist minister says, “My greatest sin is gossip and I can’t wait to get back to town!”

“““““

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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’ She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’

‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’ She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do a about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’ The cab driver is very excited and says, ‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’ ‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. When they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ‘My dear child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’

‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.’ The nun says, ‘That’s OK…… My name is Gary and I’m going to a Halloween party.’

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“Honey, I know we’re both shy about all this sex stuff. That’s normal at the beginning of a marriage. So to make things easier, if you want to have sex with me, just reach over and pull my nipple twice. If you don’t want any, just pull it once. Deal?”

“Deal. And if you want to have sex with me, just pull my penis twice. And if you don’t want sex, just pull it 155 times.”

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A guy walks into a bar and sits beside another guy and immediately notices he has a giant Bic cigarette lighter.

The first guy says “Wow! That’s a huge lighter! Where’d you get it?” The other guy replies, “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”

“Cool! Can I try it?”

“Sure.”

The first guy rubs the bottle and a genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.

The guy replies excitedly, “I want a million bucks!”

“Your wish is granted.” And the genie disappears.

A few minutes pass and then suddenly the bar door swings open and in pour ducks. Thousands and thousands of ducks fall over each other and fill up the bar.

“I can’t believe this!” says the guy who just made his wish, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”

The second guy responds, “Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch Bic?”

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