Three salesmen are traveling together when their car breaks down. They walk to the nearest town and go into the bar. Over a couple of rounds of drinks, they explain their situation to the bartender who tells them,

“I have a bed in the back room. It’s just one bed, but it should be big enough for all three of you to stay for tonight.”

The three salesmen agree and continue drinking. At closing time, the bartender kicks all the other customers out and shows the salesmen to the room where the bed is. The three of them immediately pass out for the night.

The next morning, the man who slept on the left side of the bed says,

“Man, I had this incredible dream that I was getting a handjob from a beautiful woman!”

The man who slept on the right side of the bed says,

“Hey, I had a dream that I was getting a handjob from a beautiful woman as well!”

The man who slept in the middle says,

“I had a dream that I was skiing!”

“““““

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Geno walks to work every day. Each way he passes a shoe store. Each time he can’t help himself but to stop, look in the window and admire a particular pair of Florsheim shoes.

He wants those shoes so much…it’s all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves every last penny to get the $300 he needs to buy the shoes.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.

Geno seizes this opportunity to wear his new Florsheim leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, “Sophia, are you wearing red panties tonight?”

Startled, Sophia replies, “Yes, Geno , I am wearing red panties tonight, but how do you know?”

Geno answers, “I see the reflection in my new $300 Florsheim leather shoes.” With a smile he moves on.

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, “Rosa , are you wearing white panties tonight?”

Rosa answers, “Yes, Geno, I do, but how do you know that?”

He replies, “I see the reflection in my new $300 Florsheim leather shoes.” With a coy laugh he moves on.

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played Geno asks Carmela to dance.

Midway through the dance his face turns red…

He states, ‘Carmela, my sweetheart, Please, please tell me you are wearing no panties tonight. Please, please, tell me this true!”

Carmela smiles coyly and answers, “Yes Geno , I am not wearing panties tonight…”

Geno gasps, “Thank God …I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Florsheim leather shoes!”

“““““

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3 Nuns die in a car crash and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

“Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter.”

The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter’s questions.

“Sister Anne,” he says, “who was the first man on earth?”

Sister Anne says “Oh that’s an easy one, Adam!”

-GONG- The gates of heaven open up, and Sister Anne walks through.

“Sister Mary: who was the first woman on earth?”

Relieved, Sister Mary exclaims “Eve!”

-GONG- The gates open again, and Sister Mary enters, leaving only Sister Theresa behind.

“Sister Theresa…what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?”

Sister Theresa pauses, the smile disappearing from her face. She realizes she can’t think of the answer, despite her best efforts. Scratching her head in confusion and panic, she admits, “That’s a really hard one.”

-GONG-

——-

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A man gets pulled over for swerving.

The Police officer says to the driver, “Sir, I’m going to need you to take a breathalyzer test for me.”

Driver: “I’m sorry officer, I can’t do that.”

Police officer: “Why not, sir?”

Driver: “Because I have asthma and it will aggravate my condition.”

Police officer: “Okay sir, then I’m going to prick your finger and draw a drop of blood to test.”

Driver: “Oh I’m sorry officer, I won’t be able to do that either.”

Police officer: “What is the problem, sir?”

Driver: “Well you see, the thing is that I’m anemic.”

Police officer: “Okay sir, then I’m going to need to ask you to step out of the car and walk the line at the side of the road.”

Driver: “I’m sorry officer, but I can’t do that either.”

Police officer: “And why is that, sir?”

Driver: “Because I’m drunk.”

“““““

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