Some workers at the post office are sorting through the mail when they see a letter addressed to Jesus Christ. Baffled, they decide to open the letter, which reads as follows:

“Dear Jesus, I’m writing because I’m in a bind and I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve talked to all of my so-called friends and nobody will help me out. I need a hundred dollars to take care of some problems, and having exhausted all my other options I turn to You. I know You’ll help me in my time of need.”

The workers take this letter to their supervisor, and after reading it over, they all decide to help the man out. Everyone at the post office chips in, but after one week they only manage to collect $75. They decide to mail this money to the man anyways as if Jesus himself had sent it, figuring that $75 is better than nothing at all.

Some time later, a second letter arrives at the post office from the same individual, also addressed to Jesus Christ. The workers, excited to learn the result of their generous act, quickly open the letter:

“Dear Jesus, I want to thank you for the money You sent me. I just knew I could count on You. Forgive me for writing again, but I’ve gotten myself tangled up in another mess, and I need another hundred dollars. I only ask that if You find it in Your heart to help me out again, please don’t send me the money through the mail. Last time, I’m pretty sure those assholes at the post office opened Your letter and stole $25.”

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Get Acne Control

Dugly goes out drinking one night and gets blackout drunk. He wakes up the next morning to find that he has lost his credit card. He needs to get it back but he got so drunk he doesn’t remember which bar he ended up at. The only thing he remembers is that the bar had a golden toilet.

He walks into down and goes into one bar and asked the bartender, “Excuse me, this is a weird question, but do you happen to have a golden toilet here?” “A golden toilet? I don’t think so,” the bartender said, giving him a strange look. The man walked into another bar,”Excuse me, you don’t happen to have a golden toilet here, do you?” said Dugly.
“A golden toilet, huh? Don’t be ridiculous.”

This continues all day until finally Dugly walks into a bar all the way on the other side of town. He asks the bartender: “Excuse me, I know this is going to sound strange, but do you have a golden toilet here? I got really drunk last night and left my credit card at a bar with a golden toilet.” The bartender smiles, turns around and yells, “Hey Bob, I think we found the guy who took a shit in your tuba!”

At the back woods bum-duck county police station the phone rings…

‘Hello, is this the Police?’

‘Yes. What can I do for you?’

‘Ah’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Mr. Dugly Smith….ya see sir, he’s hidin’ marijuana inside all his firewood pieces! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside dem logs, but he’s a-hidin’ it there.’

‘Thank you very much for the call, sir.’

The next day, Police Officers descend on Dugly’s house. They searched the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no sign of any marijuana. They sneer at Dugly and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Dugly’s house.

‘Hey, Dugly! This here’s Floyd….Did the Sheriff come?’

‘Yup sure did!’

‘Did they chop all-a ya’all firewood?’

‘Yup!’

‘Happy Birthday, buddy!’

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Police Dating Site at PoliceFlirt.com

A couple in their 80’s were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, “Where are you going?” “To the kitchen for a drink,” he replies. She asks, ” Will you get me piece of cake?” The husband says, “Sure.” She gently reminds him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you don’t forget it?” He says, “No, I can certainly remember that!”

Then the woman says, “Well, I’d like some strawberries on top. You’d better write it down because I know you’ll forget it.” The man replies, “I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries.”

She adds, “I’d also like whipped cream on top. Now I’m certain you’re gonna forget that, so you’d better write it down ok.” Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!” He then grumbles into the kitchen. After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “Where’s my toast?

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Senior Dating for older people at Senior-Dating.com