Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.

So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.

He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.

The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his cock, starts masturbating and points at it.

The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.

The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

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2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam. The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question:

“You are riding in a train cart and you get too hot. What do you do?”

The student replies,” I open the window.”

“Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the cart?”
The student is clearly confused at this impossible question and just answers,”I don’t know.” So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.

He begins asking his friend “you are riding in a train cart and it gets too hot. What do you do?
He says,”I will take my jacket off.”

“Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?”

“I take my shirt off.”

“I understand but its very, very hot.”

“I will just get naked.”

“Ok. But there’s a guy in front of you getting a hard on by watching you strip naked!”

The student replies, “Professor, the entire train can fuck me in the ass I am NOT opening that window!”

“””””

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A man skipped church to go hunting. While in the woods, he got chased by a bear and climbed a tree to get away.

Unfortunately, the bear started climbing after him (as bears do).

The man started to pray: “Lord, I know I should not have skipped church, but please make this a Christian bear!”

Just then, the man heard the bear stop climbing.

Relieved, he looked down to see the bear with its head bowed and saying “Lord, I thank thee for this meal I am about to receive…”

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‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.’

The priest asks, ‘Is that you, Dugly?’ ‘Yes, Father’ ‘Who’s the gal you were with?’ ‘I won’t tell, I don’t want to ruin her reputation.’ ‘Was it Heather Williams?’ ‘I can’t say.’ ‘Was it Kelly Riley?’ ‘I’ll never tell.’ ‘Cindy Miller or Amy Krewson?’ ‘My lips are sealed.

The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for a month.’

Dugly walks back to his pew, and his friend Phil whispers, ‘What’d you get?’ ‘A month’s vacation and four excellent Leads.’

“””””

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