A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”
Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”
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Guy goes into a skyscraper bar. A guy at the bar says, “When it’s windy out like tonight the breeze blows between the buildings and creates an updraft. If you jump out this window, an air current spins you around and blows you back in. Look.” And he does it. 1st guy tries it and falls 15 stories. SPLAT! Bartender says “Geez, Superman, you’re a real dick when you’re drunk.”
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Cartoon, Comic and funny thoughts are at NickGenius.com
Eight-year-old Wendy brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Wendy is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”
Wendy’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Wendy because I would like to try it out on her mother.”
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”
The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
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