Joke of the Day: Confucius Says

Confucius Says…

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man who is jacking off into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.

Man who go to bed with a problem in hand wakes up in the morning with a solution in hand.

He who refuses to listen is lying.

He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn’t feel crazy, feels nuts.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

He who pull out to fast leave rubber behind.

Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.

Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.

Man who have woman on ground have piece on earth.

To make egg roll, push it

Joke of the Day: Old couple

An 80 year old couple have been married for nearly 60 years and the husband has become Ill, so the wife takes him to the emergency room.

The doctor does a preliminary exam and tells the man that he needs to get a blood sample, a urine sample and a stool sample for more tests.

The man doesn’t hear very well so he looks up and asks his wife what the Doctor said.

“William, relax, the Doctor just says he wants to borrow your underpants for a few minutes.”

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Joke of the Day: My wife is pregnant

A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.

“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her *husband*!”

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Joke of the Day: Drunk

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”

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