Joke of the Day: Old couple

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An 80 year old couple have been married for nearly 60 years and the husband has become Ill, so the wife takes him to the emergency room.

The doctor does a preliminary exam and tells the man that he needs to get a blood sample, a urine sample and a stool sample for more tests.

The man doesn’t hear very well so he looks up and asks his wife what the Doctor said.

“William, relax, the Doctor just says he wants to borrow your underpants for a few minutes.”

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Joke of the Day: My wife is pregnant

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A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.

“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her *husband*!”

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Joke of the Day: Drunk

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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”

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Joke of the Day: Skyscraper Bar

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Guy goes into a skyscraper bar. A guy at the bar says, “When it’s windy out like tonight the breeze blows between the buildings and creates an updraft. If you jump out this window, an air current spins you around and blows you back in. Look.” And he does it. 1st guy tries it and falls 15 stories. SPLAT! Bartender says “Geez, Superman, you’re a real dick when you’re drunk.”

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Cartoon, Comic and funny thoughts are at NickGenius.com