While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American doctors, always want to amputate. Make more money that way. No need to amputate!”

“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two weeks. Fall off by itself!”

“””””

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A drunken tourist woman, totally naked jumped into a taxi at a Miami Beach Hotel.

The taxi driver shook his head, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

“What are you staring at, Luv, haven’t you ever seen a woman with no clothes on before?”

“I’ll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from…”
“Well, if you’re not bloody staring at me Luv, what are you doing then?”

“Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me?!”

“””””

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Dad!, the girl I’ve been dating invited me over to her house.

“Oh that is great, Dugly. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises… Actually, no. I don’t trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget.”

And so Dugly did. And he head over to the girl’s place. After a chat and some drinks, things got saucy.
” Wait” she said, “In order to continue, you have to pass a test.” She then removed her shirt, proclaiming “My breasts! Pure and untouched. Only the sun on beach days had ever had a feel of them”

She then removed her skirt. “My thighs. Pure and touched by no one. Only the wind on breezy days has ever felt their softness.”

Finally, she removed her panties. “And last, my vagina, pure and untouched. No one has ever felt its warmth, nor the wind nor the sun. So tell me, Dugly, should I let you feel my body? Are you capable to match my purity?”

“Sure”, Dugly claims as he pulls downs his pants, “I am so pure and untouched, my penis is still in the the wrapper”

“””””

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A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me, too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

“””””

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