A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?” “Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer”
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The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. “Papa fell in the well last week – ” he began. “Good heavens,” shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. “Is he all right now?” “He must be,” said little Irving. “He stopped yelling for help yesterday.”
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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says. Little Johnny raises his hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered,” he volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked young Johnny to describe the incident.
“Well,” he began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.
“It sure was!” said Johnny. “My kitty raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’… and before he could say “F*ck”, the Rottweiler ate him!”
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