The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

“Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

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10. Hey! Now there’s a gift!

9. Well, well, well …

8. Boy, if I had not recently gained 40 pounds that would’ve fit.

7. This is perfect for wearing around the house.

6. Gosh. I hope this never catches fire! It is fire season though. There are lots of unexplained fires.

5. If the dog buries it, I’ll be furious!

4. I love it — but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.

2. To think — I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.

And the Number One Thing to say about a Christmas gift you don’t like…

1. “I really don’t deserve this.”

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Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines for the next company Chrismas party.

1. Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is not advised.

2. Playing Jingle Bells on the phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)

3. Gift requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”

4. Employees are to bring only THEIR spouses.

5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 4th.

6. This year, please be sure all gifts put under the tree, are non flammable.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

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There was a man who was always late for work because of the rush hour traffic. On this particular day, he comes up to a stop sign, slows down, and then goes though it.

A cop pulls him over.. “What are you stopping me for?” the man asked.

The cop said, ” You did not come to a stop at that stop sign.”

“I did to, I slowed down, and that is the same thing as stopping,” the man retorted.

“No it isn’t and here is a ticket to prove it,” the cop responded.

The next day, the same man rolls up to the stop sign, slows down, and then goes through it. Again the same cop pulls him over.

“You just ran that stop sign!” he barked.

“I did not,” the man shouted,” I slowed down and that is the same thing as stopping!”

“No it isn’t,” the cop shouted back, “And here is a second ticket to prove it!”

The very next day, same man rolls up to the stop sign, slows down, then goes through it. The same cop pulls him over.

“You again, you just ran that stop sign!” he roared.

“I did not!” the man shouted back,” I SLOWED DOWN and that is the same thing as STOPPING!”

“No it isn’t, and here is a third ticket to prove it!”

On his way back home from work that night, he rolls up to the stop sign, slows down and then goes through it.

The same cop has had it. He grabs the man through the drivers window, and starts hitting him with his billy club.

“Now do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?!!”

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