If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But… if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
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There was a man who was always late for work because of the rush hour traffic. On this particular day, he comes up to a stop sign, slows down, and then goes though it.
A cop pulls him over.. “What are you stopping me for?” the man asked.
The cop said, ” You did not come to a stop at that stop sign.”
“I did to, I slowed down, and that is the same thing as stopping,” the man retorted.
“No it isn’t and here is a ticket to prove it,” the cop responded.
The next day, the same man rolls up to the stop sign, slows down, and then goes through it. Again the same cop pulls him over.
“You just ran that stop sign!” he barked.
“I did not,” the man shouted,” I slowed down and that is the same thing as stopping!”
“No it isn’t,” the cop shouted back, “And here is a second ticket to prove it!”
The very next day, same man rolls up to the stop sign, slows down, then goes through it. The same cop pulls him over.
“You again, you just ran that stop sign!” he roared.
“I did not!” the man shouted back,” I SLOWED DOWN and that is the same thing as STOPPING!”
“No it isn’t, and here is a third ticket to prove it!”
On his way back home from work that night, he rolls up to the stop sign, slows down and then goes through it.
The same cop has had it. He grabs the man through the drivers window, and starts hitting him with his billy club.
“Now do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?!!”
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Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why ?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he took the car I stole.
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A preacher goes into a bar and says “Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up.”
Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says “My son, don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”
The drunk says “When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now.”
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