A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?” The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!”

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?” The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?” Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it had been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and yells after the elephant , “Just because you don’t know the answer, you dont have to get so upset about it!”

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As the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night, the groom says to his bride, “Honey, I have a confession to make. I’m a golf addict. I play whenever I have a minute. I can’t get enough of it. you’ll probably never see me on the weekends.”

His bride looked a little uneasy and then said, “Honey I have a confession also…I’m a hooker.”

“No problem.” Replied the groom, “Just keep your left arm straight and keep that head down. You’ll be hitting them straight in no time.”

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John receives a phone call. “Hello,” he answers.

The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”

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A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs.

The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ”So have you done the work then?” he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn’t give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow.

The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck.

So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, “SUPPLIES!”

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