A couple of older bums are relaxing on a park bench, bored out of their minds. Theyre not the brightest of crayons, but are known to be pretty resourceful – especially when bored.

So one of them says to the other, What are we gonna do today?

Tampon JokeThe other replies, Well, how much money have you got?

They both rummage through their pockets, emptying several days worth of lint and toothpics, managing to put together about four dollars and some change.

The first one says, We cant do much with 4 bucks. Maybe we should just go home?

The other, excited, replies, Nah! Lets go buy a box of tampons!

Tampons? What are we gonna do with tampons?

Havent you seen those TV commercials? With tampons we can run, and hike and swim, even go dancing. We need some tampons!

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Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: God, please give me the strength to cross the river Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

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A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, Hey, John! How ya doin? His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before. Oh, no, says John. Hes on my bowling team.

When they are seated, a waitress asks John if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,How did she know that you drink Budweiser? Shes in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around John, and says Hi Johnny. Want your usual table dance, big boy? Johns wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

John follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, Looks like you picked up a real b*tch tonight, John.

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There is legend that goes like this: In a bar in New York theres a magical mirror. If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you one wish…. but if you lie – POOF! – it swallows you up for eternity.

A brunette, redhead, and a blonde walk into that very bar – with a mission. They head straight for the magic mirror. The redhead goes first and says I think Im the most beautiful woman on Earth POOF! – the mirror swallows her up and shes gone for eternity.

The brunette goes up to the mirror and says I think Im the sexiest woman on Earth POOF – now shes gone too.

Lastly, the blonde goes up to the mirror says I think………. – POOF!

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