Joke of the Day – Top Ten Psycho Pick-Up Lines

Top Ten Psycho Pick-Up Lines

10. Didn’t I see you on the grassy knoll?
9. Can I buy you a spatula?
8. Bet you’re wondering why I have no nostrils?
7. Your crawlspace or mine?
6. You look like the kind of person who appreciates catheters.
5. May I lick your forehead?
4. Do you always wear your shoes over your socks?
3. Smeep. Smeep. Smeep.
2. What’s your favorite flavor of wood?
1. You’ve stolen my heart, but thats okay because I have three more back home in the freezer!
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Joke of the Day – newly married couple

A newly married couple retire to their hotel room on their wedding night. The man, who is much larger than the petite woman, decides to set the ground rules for the marriage. He takes off his pants and throws them over to his wife, saying “Put these on.” The woman replies “but they are too big for me” “Put them on anyway ” She puts them on, they fall down, and she says “I can’t fit into these” He Replies “That’s right, now just remember who wears the pants in this family” The woman then takes off her panties and throws them over to her husband, saying “Put these on.” He looks at them and says “I can’t get into these” She replies “Yes, that’s right. And you won’t be able to in the future unless you change your attitude”

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Joke of the Day – Two buddies

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one. “Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see, kinky, huh?” “Well, not exactly – I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”
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Joke of the Day – truck driver

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying “NERDS NOT ALLOWED–ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. “You don’t even need a license,” he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load, so remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.” “Well, sure,” said the patrolman, “but it’s illegal to bait ’em.”

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