Joke of the Day – The Farm

Two salesmen were traveling through northern Wisconsin one Feb. and it started to snow. Harder and harder till they came to a complete stop. One said “Hey there is a light on the hill. Must be a farm house, lets get up there and see if we can sleep in the barn rather than this cold car.” After the widow lady answered the door bell and they explained their problem she said “Well gentlemen, you don’t have to sleep in the barn. I am a widow and I have three bedrooms here. Please come in and I will make some warm dinner for you.” They did and then watched some TV and all went to bed. The next morning the roads had been cleared and they thanked the widow and left.

About 9 months later one salesman got a registered letter from the law offices of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe in Madison Wisconsin. After he read the letter he immediately called his associate and said, “Hey Jim, do you remember when we got stuck in the snow last winter in Wisconsin?” Sure replied Jim. “Well, tell me something, did you by any chance sneak into the widows bedroom that night?” “Well!” replied the salesman, “as a matter of fact I did. But why do you ask?””Tell me something else, first,” he replied “did you by any chance use my name?” “Well,” said the salesman, “as a matter of fact I did. After all you are single and always sleeping around and I’m married and can’t so I figured it was safer that way. Why? what happened? Why are you asking these questions?”

“Well” the first salesman said, “It seems she died and left me the farm!”

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Joke of the Day – Pet Monkey

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s nursing it the monkey runs wild: he jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No, what did that stupid shit do this time?” asks the patron. “Well, he just swallowed the cue ball from the pool table,” says the bartender. “Yeah, well I hope it kills the little shit because he’s been driving me nuts,” replies the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is nursing his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar. He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks. “What now?” responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a grape up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it,” says the barkeeper. “Well, what did you expect?” replied the patron. “Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”

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Joke of the Day – Kids Answers

On the role of handsomeness and beauty in love:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” Anita C., age 8

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” Brian, age 7

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” Christine, age 9

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Joke of the Day – Kids Answers

On what falling in love is like:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” John, age 9

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” Glenn, age 7

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