A husband calls up a hotel’s manager from his room..

Husband : Please come fast , I was having an argument with my wife and she says shes gonna jump out of the window.

Manager : Sir, I am sorry I can’t help you , this seems to be a personal issue.

Husband : You asshole, this is a maintenance issue. The window isn’t opening.

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An old married couple is traveling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room at a hotel. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked of the hotel out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the ‘standard rate’. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.

“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.

“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.

The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed topay. As he didn’t have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But ma’am, this is made out for only $50.00.”

“That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”

——-

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While walking down the street, a business man see’s a dog walking down the road with a bag in his mouth. Interested in where the dog was going he followed the dog to the local store. There the dog went straight to the teller, and placed the bag in the teller’s hand. He then handed him a grocery bag with a envelope. the man watches all this with wonder as the dog bites and holds the bag and note in its mouth while he walks out the store.

The businessman follows the dog out as the puppy heads straight to the bus. The bus comes and the dog waits, two more bus come and go before the dog finally gets on a bus. The man follows the dog on the bus and they travel with the bus all the way until the second to last stop. the dog gets off and the man follows, the dog walks down one street and another until finally he finds a house.

The man watches quietly as the dog walks up the lawn to the porch and starts scratching the door. the puppy puts his bag down. barks and trots over to the window and scratches some more. Finally the dog walk away, to the other end of the lawn and charges the door full speed. With all the force he has the dog slams his body against the door hard making the door shake. The dog gets up and shakes himself off and trots back to the end of the lawn again, charges full speed and BAM hits the door hard.

While walking back to do it again a man in a robe opens the door, the dog turns around quick and his tail wagged hard back and forth while he ran back to the porch to greet this new guy. the man in the robe starts to beat the dog repeatedly, hitting the puppy hard making him yelp.

Finally the business man runs to the scene and yells at the man in the robe, “What the hell are you doing?! This dog is the smartest dog i’ve ever seen!.”

The man replies, “Smart my ass, this is the third time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”

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Confucious says, man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Confucious says, man who stand on toilet, high on pot.

Confucious says, man who buys drowned cat ends up with wet pussy.

Confucious says, man who drop watch in toilet has shitty time.

Confucious says, woman who worth weight in gold probably cost as much.

Confucious says, oral sex make your day; anal sex make your hole weak.

Confucious says, man who goes to sleep with itchy bumhole, wake up with smelly fingers

Confucious says, baseball very strange game. How can man with four balls walk?

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