Joke of the Day: Pregnant

An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her Mom that she thinks she is pregnant.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test results show that the girl IS pregnant.

Shouting , cursing, crying…the mother says, “Who wassa dah piga that do thisah to you? Ima wanna know!!”

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferarri stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the livingroom with the father, mother and the girl and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a 2 million dollar bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a factory and a 3 million dollar bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory each and 4 million dollars each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?

At this point, the father who had remained silent holding a shotgun… places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him…

“You gonna try again!!”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Jesus and Satan

So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day just chilling, and Satan asks,

“Hey JC, what’s it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It’s not like I get to see it very often.”

Jesus says, “Hail, Satan.”

And Satan’s all like, “YEEEEEAH, BOI!”

And Jesus is all like, “Oh, you.”

——-

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Joke of the Day: Rodney Dangerfield Joke

[Read in a Rodney Dangerfield voice]

I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off.

I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.

Finally leave the house for work and the doorknob comes loose and just breaks off.

I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.

——-

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Joke of the Day: So José, how was America?

“So José, how was America?”

“Oh it was wonderful, amigo, those Americans are so kind.

I went to go watch a real American baseball game but the tickets were all sold out.

Feeling bummed out I walked around the side of the stadium when I saw a flag pole right next to the field! I climbed right up it and could see the whole baseball diamond with the players getting ready for the game.”

“You had to watch from a flag pole? I thought you said the Americans were nice.”

“Oh they are amigo! Before the game began every American stood up, looked right at me, and hollered, “José, can you see?”

“““““

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