Month: May 2015

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

“Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today”

The boss says, “You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that.”

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

“I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!”

“““““

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5 advices to men for a happy life

You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,

You should find a woman that is a good cook,

You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,

You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,

Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.

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A man walks into a bar with a box and sits down and calls the bartender over. He says “If I show you the neatest thing you’ve ever seen, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender, thinking, he’s seen everything, takes the man up on the offer. The man pulls the lid off the box and inside is a little man, jamming away at a piano. “He plays Bach, Mozart, you name it” the man says, as the bartender looks on.

“So, how’d you get your hands on him?” The bartender asks.

“With this lamp. Rub it and you’ll be granted one wish” The man pulls a lamp out of his pocket and passes it to the bartender. The bartender rubs it and says, “I’d like a million bucks”. POOF, there are ducks everywhere, flying around and shitting on everything. “Why didn’t you tell me your genie was defective?” he yells.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask for a 12 inch pianist either.”

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An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail.” A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.” Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.” Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.” Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000,” passing the doctor a $500 note. Doctor: “But this is $500…” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $500.”

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